Conventions, Mosquitoes, and Relationships

Hello again! I'm back to spill the details of my life which aren't really scandalous in the least and my idle thoughts about stuff that come to my mind as I journey on in this thing we call life. Sit back and enjoy:

Conventions:

Yesterday and Today I attended my second Anime Convention the Florida Anime Experience. I had a great time and enjoyed myself. I won't be giving more details as I have to write two articles about my 2 day attendance for Toonari Post. Being a member of the press means that you get to attend conventions for free or for a discounted rate. However, you must write about the con and post the article within a few days of the con occuring which isn't a problem at all. What I can tell you is that I did the speed dating thing again and it was a hiliarious akward experience to say the least. I did have a guy that I saw today from the speed dating event and we went to different panels together and exchanged phone numbers…I don't expect anything awesome to happen because anytime I get excited about such things they tend to blow up in my face as if the Joker has been toying with me so we'll see how this goes…

Mosquitoes:

I really, really, really, extremely despise these sneaky vampiric buzzing creatures who leave behind annoyingly itchy bumps in their wake. I loathe them and I've dedicated the song 'We Hate You Please Die" to their species. Not a day has gone by where I discover that I've been bitten by these things who have apparently learned the way of the ninja as they bite hard and fade away into the night unless they get splattered….

Relationships:

Still indifferent to them. Why? Experiences where things start off good and then the Joker comes and blows it up in my face…If I do have a relationship I will love and care about that person to the best of my ability. Thing is I haven't found that guy who will do that back…so until then I remain 95% indifferent and  secretly 5% hopeful…

That is all. Until next time…

How I see Things: The Five Stages of Grief are also the Five Stages of A Breakup

Hey all:

You know how there's the five stages of grief? They are: 

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Well those are also the five stages of a breakup for me or when a relationship doesn't work out for me….I find this ironic… but then again grief occurs somewhat when a relationship dies…

For a while I've been going through depression and now after writing a poem that I just posted I'm finally in accpetance….

Now and always when it comes to love I'm indifferent.

A poem for Thorsday: It’s Hard

It's hard to accept that you're not wanted anymore…

It's hard to feel when they don't feel anything for yuou anymore…

It's hard to move on though you see that they have moved on to another…

And you're stuck lying motionless in the gutter with your heart crying out as it is torn asunder….

A Manic Monday Ramble: I like being alone..for the most part anyway…

I like being alone, in fact I enjoy it for the most part. But there's this little glimmer of hope inside me that would like to have a partner to share my life with-I wouldn't mind falling in love. But every time there's an opportunity that occurs, the end result is that I end up hurt and remain alone. So then I become even more cynical about love, friendships, etc and want to be alone even more. 

I mean why are people afraid to die alone? 

I can be harsh sometimes or just cynical when it comes to being social. I have social phobia and I'm somewhat anti-social. I don't feel comfortable at a party or a group of people that I don't really know and I sure as hell get freaked out by people who appear/act happy go lucky. Happy people freak me out…

I mean I'm happy on the inside. I try not to get excited about things because the end result always for me is disappointment. 

I want to someday have my own property and my own land apart from other people. If I have that special someone in my life then that's great. Whenever I have someone in my life I love them hard. I put my all into it. But if they hurt me then I distance myself from them. They lose my trust and they don't get to know the stuff I would share with them and it's hard for them to get my trust back. 

I'm a person who doesn't like to share my troubles with others and so it appears to a lot of folks who know me (or claim to know me) that I don't have that many problems and then some of them when they see that I'm down like to write me letters or tell me what they believe is the answer to my problems like it's some easy fix. But I digress…

I'm happy on the inside and I'm not scared to die alone. Sometimes I wish it come sooner (but that's the depression talking)…I actually want to do a lot of things before I die., but there are times, where I want to close my eyes and never wake up (it's not like a lot people will miss me-I mean what impact do I truly have?)

There are times where I want to give up-my writing, believing in love and friendship, etc…

But here I go, rambling….

I’m just a lady who:

Who's smiles on the inside…

Who's gets a case of melancholy every now and then (it occurs more frequently now)…

Who loves music and can't sleep without hearing a few songs…

Who can get by on not much sleep…

Who worries and has fears….

Who wears clothes that she feels and is comfortable in…

Who is an pessimistic optimist…

Who knows she can write but feels discouraged about it…

Who wants to be in love but knows most likely that won't happen and has chosen to accept the reality of it all…

Who wants to travel and see the world…

Who's working on growing her dreads…

Who might take the title of cookie monster from Cookie Monster…

Who loves her dog Buster…

Who loves her family…

Who's overcoming her fear of driving…

Who's living with Grave's Disease…

Who thinks that this thing called life is constantly making fun of her…

Who sometimes wants to sleep and never wake up…

Who doesn't cry about things that most folks do…

Who has a hard time trusting people and when they hurt her they have a long road ahead of them to earn her trust back…

Who wants to get her land and have her own space…

Who loves the color purple (the actual color not the film (though the film was good)) and despises the pink (the actual color not the singer (whom I'm a fan of)…

Who smiles when the rain comes down and the moon is full…

My So Called Update-After Spring Break

Spring break was meh…it started off bad but ended on a good note.

I've pick up some books from my job so I can officially start learning how to draw. I also got some art supplies from @nittoai so I'm really happy!

I also finished writing my 3 page script for the anthology that my tagline got accepted for. I know I'll have to do a couple of rewrites when the editor reads it so I look forward to that I want my story to be the best that it can be. 

I'm also slowly working on my characters and comic book ideas. Slow and steady…slow and steady…I have to keep saying that to myself. I'm a person who can see ahead and see what my stuff can be I can see it in my head and I know that I've got to do the work, that I've got to practice and practice. I just get impatient at times because I feel like I'm not improving that I'm not good enough-that my writing isn't good enough…it's frustrated and it gets me down…I get melancholy about it and other things…but I can't give up…

I get melancholy a lot…it comes and goes. I get melancholy about my writing, my relationship status, life in general, and sometimes I'm not even sure why I just get it….

But I'm gonna keep going…

Screw Destiny!

After thinking about it and having a conversation with him, I feel much better and I say screw destiny! We’re still friends-and he’s a good one and I enjoy hanging out with him (I know you’ll be reading this!)

Fate is what we make right? So even though right now I’m not in a relationship who’s to say that I won’t have one-a good one that will be permanent-in the future…
 

And it might be with him or it might be with someone else but who knows?
So even though reality is what it is right now it doesn’t mean that it’ll be this way forever-and even if it is this way forever it’ll be okay!

No pity party here!

Screw destiny and I’m okay with that…

I’m Destined to Be Alone…

I’m destined to be alone.

I keep getting the wrong guys. I get the ones that like me for my body but not for the rest of me, I get the ones that lie and cheat on me, I get ones who have an exotic fantasy and think I would fulfill that, and then I get the ones who like me as a friend but don’t mind making out with me…

But it’s partly my fault. I don’t see the signs or I do see them and I ignore them or hope that things will change…but they never do…

It sucks a little. But I should of figured that this would be the case. I’m a person who’s anti-social who has social phobia so I guess I’m supposed to live as a hermit (Hell, there are times when I actually feel like doing that)…

I would like to have kids in the future, so my options are to adopt or go to a sperm bank because I won’t have a guy.

So no pity party here. It’s just time to face the reality of it all.

I’m destined to be alone and…I guess I’m okay with that…

My So Called Update…

 

Interesting…

Last Thursday took an interesting turn and I’m not gonna say a lot of about it but it has to do with a guy and I hope things continue to go well…

I’m officially a contributor to an online site Why Not Indie.com. I’m writing webcomic reviews for them so if any of you out know of good creator owned webcomics or if you yourself have a webcomic that you would like for people to know about please email me at taliadina@gmail.com.

Three more weeks till MegaCon! I’m excited. My costume/outfit is ready, and I’ve gotta get a note pad, camera,  snacks, ready to go. I’m looking forward to the panel though I’m a little nervous and I’m also looking forward to the speed dating. I won’t do it if things progress with me and the guy…

Work is going well for the most part, I said goodby to a coworker who’s move on to a much needed full time position at a law firm. There’s gonna be a full time position opening here but I’m not so sure I wanna apply for it. So we’ll see…I like my job and though there are times when it’s stressful, it’s a decent job. ..

I’m almost better. I hav e Graves Disease and I almost died two years ago and I’ve been getting better everyday. I haven’t driven a vehicle in a long time and so on Fridays I take a free refreshers course and I started last week and I hope to get a car soon. It’s not a want it’s a need-with my family’s circumstances I need a car…

That’s it for now.

A First For Me: Speed Dating

 

For those of you don’t know already I’m attending MegaCon 2012! And I’m going for two out of the three days (one of them I get to go for free)! I’m soo excited! It’s been a few years since I’ve been to a comic convention and now I’m going with a new perspective of it all. When I went to MegaCon the last two times, I went on Sunday (the last day) and I only spent a few hours there.  I didn’t really know what to do or see, I bought comics and manga and plush toy the two times I went. 

This though I’m going as published novice comic book writer-I wrote two stories-one for the Womanthology book  (a four page story art by Kelly Turnbull coming out soon) & the other for the Womanthology Holiday PDF (art by Brenda Kirk).  I’m going to be on the Womanthology panel  with Kate Carelton, Sherri Rose, Rachel Pandich, Barbara Kesel, Jennifer Mercer, and Heather Royston (Saturday February 18^th 1:40pm to 2:30pm Room 221C) which I’m excited about. Though I don’t have a clue as to what I will say-I’m just a novice trying to get my foot well my toes in the door-and well I’m also a little anti-social and have social phobia-I probably won’t  talk much but I still be excited and grateful to be there. I’m also dressing up in my Wonder Woman inspired outfit/costume!

Okay now to the matter at hand: what does speed dating have to do with any of this? Well plenty! There’s a speed dating event taking place at the con two times on two days and I have signed up for one of the sessions.  That’s right this anti-social, socially phobic lady geek with a mix of depression and anxiety is going to try this.  Why? Because I’m curious and it would be nice to have a boyfriend.  

I haven’t been on a date in a few years-because well I’m not really worrying about love, it’ll happen when it happens and it never does then life goes on and so do we…

What do I know about speed dating? Absolutely nothing except what I’ve seen on TV and the movies…and that’s basically what everyone else that I’ve asked knows about it too. Apparently the ladies sit down and the guys shuffle around every couple of minutes or so to talk to each lady…and that’s all I know about it…

For the speed dating at the con it’s going to be three minutes twenty-five times. As to who will be moving every three minutes-whether it’s the guys, or the ladies, the ladies, or both folks I’ll find out when I get there…

Well that’s all I can say about it now….